May 19th, 1999
(When we finally laid him to rest)

It's 6:35 a.m., I'm at work and thinking about all of you right now, wishing I had gone with you on this important trip. Although every time I think about being there and doing what you're doing I feel sick! I miss him so much, but I guess that's a given, it is after all Desi that I'm talking about. Come to think of it, I remember missing him when he was "with us" but not with me. Isn't that funny? I hate this feeling. It's kind of like a sinking feeling but at the same time it feels like I want to fight, no, beat the shit out of death. And the frustrating thing is that I can't seem to land a punch. I want this whole thing to be over. I wish it was 20 years from now. If only I could do something to take this horrible pain away from you, because I know these feelings that I have are multiplied by 1000 for you. 

As much as I'm hating this day right now, it is a day of healing. This is the beginning of the end. For the first year the three of you are really going to have to lean on all of us for strength. (I say this, and yet yours is the first place I call when I can't get it together.) Honestly, there is no one else that I want to talk to when I'm "especially" missing him. So I guess we'll be leaning your way too! 

Anyways, I guess we're lucky that we have such a strong connection with some in our family to get us through the shit that life throws at us. As much as I could go on forever about this, I have to go. Dianne doesn't like to pay me for writing sappy letters!

Love always,

Jen 
 
 

This is a eulogy for Desi. A eulogy is a speech or writing in praise of someone. 

It is a very simple matter to praise Desi because of his conduct with friends and family. 

Desi, was an artist and will always be one. As such he gave us beauty, pleasure and enjoyment. Desi choose many mediums of communication for his art. For example his music and drawings were full of life and aesthetics. His stand-up comedy routines were always entertaining. He had a way of making life and situations in it funny and oddly enough haveable. He could do this without damaging or lowering the repute of another. He made life fun and interesting and it was simply enjoyable to be around him. For that matter it looks like Des along with Tamara, inherited huge double doses of "humor genes" from both their mom and dad and it was hysterical to see this whole crew go at it. In terms of humor, Des had this very precious gift of giving pleasure based on decency and honesty.

It is this underlying decency and integrity that made Desi a real friend to have. The loyalty he had to those he loved made him the best friend and associate to have around.

It would be very easy to be completely heart broken about this particular loss. But out of respect for his attitude and approach to life, it would not be appropriate to do so. The last thing he would want from any of us would be any "could have", "should have" and "if only." This is not his style.

If I have anything to say to Desi it comes from the Code of Honor by LRH. It is point #11 - "Never regret yesterday. Life is in you today, and you make your tomorrow." I believe that is really what Desi is telling us. Desi is one individual I have known to whom the Code of Honor really applies.

I plan to show my respect for Desi, by keeping any grieving to a bare minimum, and instead I will simply appreciate the friendship, love and joy he extended to each and every one of us.

Thank you Desi for having played a part in our lives. Best of luck to you in your new game.

Much love,

Judy Eidse (former teacher and his friend Omar's mom)
 
 

Some people say laughter is the best medicine. Well, if that's the case, Desi was the best medicine on the shelf. 

When Desi entered the room everyone got happy. He could make anyone laugh at any time, it was a gift that came so naturally it was almost unbelievable. 

I love Desi more than life itself. He made being in this messed up world fun and always saw the good in everything. He always did what he wanted no matter what people said or what they would think of him. 

I knew Desi for 20 years. He taught me life. Here are a few things that Desi was to me: 

Hunter, mountain man, fisher man, black man, artist, musician, singer, songwriter, funny man, brother, friend, father, hero, mentor, the Jim Carrey that never got famous, Asian man, buffalo man, a nice man. He called himself a modern day cowboy, poet. 

Desi was not a fake person. He wore his heart on his sleeve. If he liked ya, he would show it. If he didn't, he would show ya. No in between or pretending. He made things that weren't "cool" cool. He's the only guy I know who could watch a whole two hour show on forest life in Greenland. 

Desi loved life and I don't know anyone who played the game of life better. He worked so he could do all the things that interested him. He didn't work just to get by. When you think of Desi, smile, feel good that you got to know a guy like that. 

Desi and I were talking about freedom recently and he came up with a good point. He said personal freedom is about doing what you want to do, what's in your heart. Overcoming whatever is in your way and doing it. He always followed that and was the happiest man I ever knew. 

Desmond Freedom Sky Rousselle is Freedom. 

"You can sit and redigest your past regrets, but it makes much more sense to live in the present tense." ~ Ed Vedder

Smile, because you know somewhere he's smiling too. 

Neil Murphy 
 
 

Dear Family, (Rick, Judy and Tamara)

I say "dear family" because that is what I think you are, family. Today is the day that I found out my best friend has passed on. I really don't have words within me to express the way I feel.

I want you guys to know how much your son means to me, always. I will miss his presence but I think he will be with me for as long as I exist.

He was not just a friend. He was my brother. I would gladly give a piece of me to bring him back.

Desi and I shared a unique friendship and love for each other. There was not any problem I couldn't tell him. Many, many times when we were mushroom picking we would get lost. When you are lost in the woods up north, it is a very dangerous thing. But I was never ever afraid when I was with him. Somehow we knew we would be alright.

Desi and I shared a love of the outdoors and with our close friends we had many wonderful times.

It is important for me to express these things to you because above all other things Desi loved and cared for you.

I know that I can never take the place of your son but you should know that I can be counted upon in any time of need.

Me and Desi always talked about his dreams and mine. Never did I think for one moment that he would not witness mine come true.

One thing is so important to me for you to know. And it is this - the memories of your son and brother will never fade from my mind. I said that Desi will be with me always and I mean it. No one power including God himself can ever rob me of the joy I shared with your son.

Please know that I do feel all your pain, and my own.

Now I am in Japan and unfortunately I can't be there to help comfort you and be comforted myself.

But I have decided to go to a Buddist temple and hold a small memorial for Desi.

All of us who knew the bright star of your son will look to the heavens and see it shine for all our lives, always. And as we grow old and go into a new life I know somehow that Desi Freedom Sky Rousselle will be in it, in some form.

Love always,

Your other adopted son, 

Elton Donald
 
 

Dear Rick and Judy,

 Desi is one of the few people who have had a major impact on my life. When I first met him I was going through some pretty rough times raising my son Paul. Des had a couple of years on Paul and I really believe he was sent to teach me a few things about life. This last week I learned them again. 

I know as a parent I have often wondered about how good of a job I did raising Paul. It is always surprising when I hear from friends how fine of a job we did raising the boy. I want to tell you how fine a job you did. 

I never really saw Des as a kid but more of an old soul doing his rounds. When he came through Calgary last time we talked about ideas and things that really should have been beyond his years. Des reminded me how good life can be and that it's here for the taking. I've met few people who have more real respect for life and could make me laugh so easily. Des had a real curiosity about things and the questions he would ask often blew my mind. He showed a lot of respect for us when he came to our home and fit in so easily it was like he had always been there. I'm not sure if he demonstrated this stuff around you guys but it was there in abundance. 

I have been pretty much the pragmatic type in my life and would tend to box myself in with ideas about how to live. At times I would let this get between me and my son and this was taking me away from him and often his mother. Des opened my eyes towards Paul and I can say he altered my course. 

On the day Chris called me at work a funny thing had happened. In the early afternoon I started singing a song Desi sang to me while I was painting my downstairs bathroom. He called it "Painting for the Lord" and proceeded to write a string of hits starting with "Sanding for the ...", "Sweeping for the..." I had a good laugh and my co-workers just sorta looked at me. 

I will truly miss my friend. Freedom Sky. 

All my love to you and Tamara. 

Mark Bell 

* * * 

Dear Judie, Tamara and Rick, 

I don't need to add much more than Mark has expressed in his letter. I spent a total of four days with Des, in our home. He felt like an old friend. His generosity of spirit and appetite for life washed over me. I've thought of him often since his last visit and will continue to do so always. My thoughts are with you. 

Love, 

Jacquie 
 
 

Dear Rick, Judie and Tamara,

You know, I never thought I would be writing a letter like this to you guys. It's like a nightmare that doesn't end, and you're waiting for someone to come along and wake you up to tell you it was all a dream. I can't begin to tell you how I feel about losing my best friend Desi. I remember the first time I met him. Elton and I were over at Jason Smith's house and we were planning to play a game of "Balderdash". Jason said we should phone "Desi" so I heard this guy was coming over. I was expecting, from the name, to see some black guy with a ghetto blaster on his shoulder. Instead, it was the funniest guy I had ever met. We were rolling on the floor laughing. Since then, I feel Desi and I have become very close. All the camping trips, jam sessions (playing in the back of Elton's cube van), attempts to pick up chicks ... they will never be forgotten.

Desi was a brother, a best friend, a teacher to me. He has taught me to be a better person both morally and ethically. That is actually what I admired most about Des. He always gave people respect where it was due and would never say something negative about anyone unless he could say it to their face. He always saw the good in every situation.

I will miss him deeply as will you, I'm sure. But I will never forget all of the good times. Those will last forever. Please stay in comm with  me, I don't want to lose touch.

My very deepest sympathy to you!

Love, 

Jamie Fraser
March 1999